Breaking up is hard to do, so we do it for you.
New York, September 21, 2016: The Breakup Agency has two questions for you. Are you stuck in a dead-end relationship and are unable to let your soon to be ex that it’s over? Also, are you ready to leave your job and give your boss the proverbial middle finger with style? Then, The Breakup Agency is the place for all your relationship extraction needs.
At The Breakup Agency, we pride ourselves on providing the greatest care for our clients in their most emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically trying times of their lives. At our company our customers know and receive the utmost confidentiality when they use our life changing services.
Our Relationship Extraction Agents are professionals in every sense of the word. Only after our prospective employees pass a polygraph (by a certified government official) and a whole national security level type of background investigation are they allowed to be put on a six-month employment probation and be shadowed by a current Relationship Extraction Agent. Our Relationship Extraction Agents are on the front lines of the emotional and mental battlefield for our clients.
Our Personal Item Recovery Specialists are the one’s who will get your things back for you, because if you ever have left some of your most personal items at your ex or soon to be ex’s place of residence. You know the importance of getting your most prized possessions back. We only initiate a personal item recovery after our clients show us proof that they are the rightful owners of said items.
Some of the services we offer are:
Put Them On Blast
This is a combination of the email and phone call packages. But with a full twist. If you have pictures, videos, emails, notes, etc. of them breaking the rules of your relationship. We put their “transgressions on social media and physical print blast. This package can get pricey depending on what and where you want to bring them on blast. You can choose to put their business in front of millions on TV, on billboards in physical newspapers, etc. Some of these means of dissolution can take a few weeks to implement. So a little heads up are needed to plan it out. But we promise this package is well worth the planning.
We send an email from our secure servers that can either be pre-formatted. Where you plug in your soon to be ex’s name. Or for a nominal extra fee we discuss in an open forum with you, your reasons and put them into an “exoneration notice.”
In-person Delivery Notice (with you) w/ Bodyguard protection
This package is a “lighter version” than the “Ike and Tina” package. This package provides no personal items removal. But still, leaves no doubt why you are leaving this relationship. But what differs this package from the other one is the in-person aspect. We surround you in a “hedge of protection” where you make your declaration of dissolution.
Their Worst Fear
This package is one of most popular ones. This one is a combination of the “Process Server Delivery” package. If you know, you’re soon to be ex’s worst fear. We don’t exploit that because that is wrong. We explore and expose that. This package is designed to bring a few laughs to your heart and soul. If they have a phobia of clowns, spiders or what have you. We use that to our advantage in delivering the most epic “breakup notice”.
Process Server Delivery
This is one of most entertaining packages. With your permission, we travel (for a nominal fee) to your soon to be ex’s residence, place of work or wherever you want them to be served a notice of dissolution. We put on disguises (doctors, pizza delivery, etc.) and serve them in a fashion that will bring a smile to your face and closure to your heart.
Disguised Phone Call Breakup
Just like the email package only with a twist. You can either make a call using our secure phone line like yourself. Or we make the call and stick to the script you designate.
You Better Bring an Army Deluxe Delivery
This package is what you would call the “all inclusive” package. You get to take all of the best aspects of all the packages for a discounted rate.
Take This Job and Shove It
Does your current job suck? Do you want to change directions in life and want to stick it to your boss in an imaginative and impactful way? Then this service is for you. We provide a long lasting impression on you soon to be a former employer by letting them know they lost out. We are open to suggestions of how to encapsulate your departure. But trust us when we say this, we have what you need.
If you specific needs and don’t see them listed above. Contact us by email with your contact information and a representative will set up a consultation for our services. As always, The Breakup Agency is here for you.
CEO and former client of The Breakup Agency